Oh this is gonna be an angry one.

Remember that post about my niece being the "anti-Christ." Totally a joke. Anyone could see that. But my sister's idiot ex-husband saw it and freaked out. Now he wants to put a restraining order out on me. What the fuck have I done to get a restraining order on my niece? Seriously? Did my post say anything that made it seem like I was doing anything wrong to her.


If you're reading this, you disgusting turd-pedophile-bald-sicko, IT WAS A JOKE. And stop lurking on my blog, creep.

Another thing that made me angry today: My brother at my friggin' chicken nuggets. NOT COOL.

I want to punch something.

Stupid things I did as a kid #2

We all did something when we were younger to get a crush's attention, right? When I was 12, I started liking this guy who was a "skater kid." So I decided to become skater-ish to make him like me. Instead of trying to learn to ride a skateboard, the only thing I could think of was to cut all my perfectly good socks into ankle socks, because I thought he would notice and think I was oh so cool. Anyway, I ended up ruining tons of perfectly good socks. All to get a guy's attention.

That isn't worse than what one of my friend's did when she was around 7. She got a buzz cut because the boy she liked had one.

Why I'm like a cat.

Well, lookie here, a post that shows a little bit of who I am.

My fiance says I'm like a cat. ALL the time. I've come to find this is very true. I've compiled a list (YAY LISTS) of the ways I am like a cat.

1. If I can't get something out of you at a particular moment, I won't bother with you. Most of my friends are friends because I get things from them. Money, back massages, candy, material things. I'm a heartless bitch. It's how we cats must survive in this world.

2. Lights entertain me. I can play with a laser for hours.

3. When I do something not-so-graceful, I act like it didn't happen. Ever notice a cat do this? They'll fall and then jump back up and walk gracefully away. I love their that-didn't-happen attitude.

4. I love rubs. Gimme rubs!

5. But don't touch my belly. Not my belly!

Stupid things I did as a kid #1

Pretty much every humor blogger has a post like this: some stupid shit they did as a child. Pretty much because children are the mentally challenged. Some of us grow out of it, but most of us will always be mentally challenged.
Anyway, some dumb ass things I did as a kid.

1. A friend and I saw this kid in the neighborhood riding his sister's bike. We didn't like him, so we thought it would be funny to steal it and hide it; to get him in trouble. So we took it, then went in my backyard. My dad had this little workroom type thing back there, and we dug around in there a little. We found some pink paint and spackle. Our devious little minds came up with the idea to further get this kid in trouble. Paint the bike! So, this we did. Then, we used the spackle to put around the gears so it would be unrideable. After our work, we decided to throw it over my fence. There are woods in my backyard and a river a little ways down. We were two little girls; all we could do was heave the bike over the fence. It was about two feet away from the fence. We thought we were absolutely brilliant. Afterwords, we decided to make our mark in my backyard and put our initials in the same pink paint we painted the bike with. Needless to say, we were caught sometime the next day.

Something eye-catching

What do you think of the post made by my fiance? I think it was great because I got to be lazy all weekend and let him make a bitching post for you guys. You may have noticed that there was no "Random Thought Friday" last week. Well, I was buried under schoolwork and stress from school and didn't have time to think of random things. I'll try to squeeze some brain poop out this week.
I haven't come up with any new interesting topics yet, but I'll start working on it tomorrow. Or maybe tonight.

I really want to be a pirate.

I'm not on acid, I swear.

          This isn't Mariah, this is Alex, and instead of the normal (or would usual be a better word?) regime of my loverly fiance spouting out wild and weird thoughts that twist your world views and most likely melt your insides, I am sharing a dream I had. You will find it both long and oddly rich in detail. The weird and fanciful events my mind saw fit to invent that night whilst I slept are in no way embellished or stretched by my imagination, so, without further ado...

          It starts off with me training the MMA wrestler Kimbo Slice for a big fight. He was set to face an ungodly strong woman named Gorilla. Gorilla could shoot fire out of her eyes at will (she didn't do this while fighting, mind you, she would be disqualified). I send Kimbo off to fight Gorilla but unfortunately I do not get to see the actual fight because I see my dear demon of a mother and she needs to talk to me. It turns out she has gotten booted from the apartments we live in, and that she works for, for embezzling money from them. This leaves me without a place to live. In retaliation I back-hand her. The result of this is that she falls down, and this means she is in my way. So I walk over her and step on her face. This is the last time I see her.
          After my ordeal with the devil I find myself over at Mariah's. She in turn has had a fight with her mother (though I assure you it is of a less serious problem and decidedly non-violent).We decide to go away and we end up in a hotel made by Xbox 360. In it you will find any game you want to play (I understand that these details are highly superfluous to the overall plot but to fully relate my odd dream I must write them nonetheless).
         This turns out to be a decidedly not-smart idea as we had to spend the majority of our money to get the hotel room. With the last of our money we decide to get a pizza. Whilst at this pizzeria I spy some rather expensive Rolex watches they are selling and decide to steal one in hopes of later on selling it and getting money. This is where it takes a turn for the worse as I run into my ex step-bastard. He sees me steal the watch and threatens to turn me into the police unless I return the watch. I see no way out of this so I comply. On leaving said pizzeria I encounter him once again. My rage boils over and I find myself bludgeoning him several times in the face with my fists. My rage subsides and I feel oddly satisfied that I have done a good deed. He tells me to get out of Detroit and go to Phoenix. For some reason I agree. In Phoenix I learn that Kimbo Slice did not in fact win the fight.

Taco Bell's new Taco Party Box...

is a God send. 12 TACOS.

Alex brought it over recently, and I almost had a seizure. A happy seizure. Tacos are the greatest things in the entire freaking world. I cannot stress how much I love them enough.

Here are pictures of the greatest day. EVER.

Alex and his cuteness

 Overly dramatic pointing

I love you, Taco Party Box

Lies. One size feeds me three, and Alex the 

remaining nine.