I'm just gonna leave the dragon on the floor, because everytime I touch it, it flushes.

That is an actually sentence I uttered on the phone last night to Alex. I will let you wonder for a few moments about my sanity and what this could possibly mean.






Okay, ready? Here's the story.

Evil has a face:

 

This creature has been in my living room since Saturday, when my niece came over and left it here. It's not surprising to me that my niece would possess such a thing, as it is believed that she is the anti-Christ. (I will elaborate more on this in a later blog post. Be afraid.) Anyway, this is a monstrosity from the movie How to Train Your Dragon. It's name? Red Death. I'm fucking shitting my pants now. That's a scary ass name. The creature isn't even Red. But it is Death. That much is clear. So, on further inspection of the creature, I found out that Evil also has a noise. And the noise is what is supposed to be a dragon roar, but sounds more like a toilet flushing. The worst thing about this noise? The creature is very sensitive, and if you barely touch its belly, it flushes at you. It's not like those other toys that you have to throw against a wall to get it to make a noise. (I love those toys because they teach you that violence is okay, as long as your victim makes a silly noise.) Another horrible thing about the noise is that if you accidentally touch it again while it's in the middle of making a noise, the noise will stop and start over. (I hate that. Mostly because kids find it hilarious to keep poking at a toy that does this, so that the sound will never end.) I want to kill it, but I'm too afraid to touch it.

And that, dear readers, is the story of the Flushing Dragon in My Living Room.